Which Instruments?

When I was a kid, most of us were lucky to have a beginner guitar. In my case, I wore out the original bridge and two sets of tuning keys on mine before I got a professional instrument.

But, several have asked me how many instruments do you need?

Professionals often have several guitars they are comfortable to use as backup and to address the needs of the different styles of music they play. For example, a "classic rock" player might have two Gibson Les Pauls and one Fender Stratocaster along with an acoustic guitar or two.

If you're a hobbyist or play in a "tribute" band, perhaps what you need is an instrument, amps, and effects similar to your idol or just ones that captures your fancy. Just remember, that buying an instrument like your idol won't automatically make you sound like him. Beyond talent and playing technique, I find other things including body mass can influence your sound.

If you're a collector, then you need to buy what you like of course, but be mindful of which instruments are likely to gain in value over the time you plan to own them. I suspect that most of the instruments popular with "baby boomers" are already about maxed out in value. I'd target a Jackson Randy Rhodes and early Paul Reed Smith guitars. Just remember, they all need to be maintained, kept in a controlled and secure environment, and played.

If you're an artist yourself, it important to be hip to the classic tools of the trade as well as the latest things, but you might find that a mixture of products best addresses your needs as your goal is to sound like you and not the Rolling Stones. One thing I've found is that experienced players tend to look for certain things in "their sound", so they often sound "like themselves" even on instruments that don't belong to them and could be of marginal quality.

Instrument Stomp Box Review

What are the key stomp boxes to own? Not only does this depend on your guitar(s) and amp(s) combination, but your style and manner of playing. Yet, there seems to be some items that last.

I started playing before you could buy a compressor in a pedal left alone an optical model. However, for many guitar and bass players think it is the most useful tool you can have. To me, the Robert Keely Compressor, which seems to be an update of Ross, is the only one worth buying, but you might also want to check out Demeter or Visual Sound. The Joe Meek model looks very interesting. Some old units squeeze the sound so much that it colors the sound which can be fun.

Old school electric bass players might want to check out enhancers such as the BBE, or Aphex. I thought the Aphex was hard on batteries and less modern sounding.

They can be temperamental, but part of the fun, a geranium 60's Fuzz Face is helpful. Silicon Fuzz Faces are more stable, but brighter and heard on many classic rock albums. Many like the old green Maxton/Ibanez 808/7 overdrives. Keely makes a version of both of these if you use them a lot. A Bixonic Expardora should have a good version of the Fuzz Face and acceptable version of the 808 if you flip the switches right. Besides, the Bixonic is a work of visual art and how can I pass up the opportunity to own something with "bi" in the title?

Early hard rock often featured a Treble Booster. Good luck finding one of those, but several builders make copies. Be sure to get one with a tone control or a switch you can flip. Divided by 13's unit has different profiles from which you can select.

Frantone Cream tone pedal in pink with a Fluff control. Again, how could I pass that up? Arteffect has a killer David Gilmour era recreation I love.

Later, some guitarists, like Randy Rhodes, started using the "script logo" MXR Distortion +. For a while, the new ones didn't sound too good, but the one I bought last year is good.

My wild card for semi-clean tones, for Tom Sholtz, some EVH, and otherwise, is a Takky distortion. Its a high end Japanese boutique thing. I got it from Mesa Engineering. Often, if I'm not sure if I will need a pedal, this is the one I will take along. Possibly even a better all around, especially for single coil guitar players, is an overdrive called the Suhr Shiba. It has a mode switch and it can be controlled remotely by your guitar tech if you have one.

Many older players like Digital Music's Sparkle Drive, which allows you to blend clean and overdrive tones, or the Full Drive 2.

Digital Music also makes a version of the Jordan fuzz tone called a SuperFuzz. It can be too wild, but sometimes I use it for rougher Boston tones coming from Barry's Dirty Finger pickup equipped Gibson SG. One of the guys in the band had one of these guitars and its very evil.

I've been known to set up a Mu-tron on a dark setting and play side. It is an un-worldly sound as if George Harrison joined Sabbath.

I also like the Red Witch pedal.

Back when Ed came out, it was hard to replicate his tone. One inexpensive and acceptable metal solution is to take several pedals set at a moderate level and hook them together. I showed a this to a kid at Sam Ash using varies models of Digitechs. He said, "Wow!" The salesman walked over and said, "How the fuck are you doing that?" How do you think we did before modern amps?

Many of the players in my age group built their sound seemingly around one brand of pedals. For example, I'd guess Ed liked MXR and Slash like Maxton. I think Slash even used a Maxton EQ for overdrive. If you can figure this out, then it could be a real help at nailing the tone of certain players.

I don't have any metal guitars, so the Digitech Metal pedal is helpful.

At the risk of sounding like I went over the cliffs of Dover, the appropriate battery is important in these effects, because that's what they were designed around in their era. Instead of the old red EverReady batteries, you might try a lithium 9 volt instead as they seem slightly hot and last much longer. My understanding is there is a version of these in a smaller plastic case that you have to order. Meanwhile, get them at Lowe's.

Some overseas have complained it is too hard to get boutique guitar pedals. Well, if you live in Asia you might look into Takky or Moon. I just got a copy of an Orange Treble and Bass Boost pedal from guys called Arteffect in Israel.

What's In with the In Crowd

Recently, I was talking to female rubber fetishist from the west coast. She was giddy over how many girls are screwing their "under 23" boyfriends from behind. While not typical, she thought it was increasingly common.

I once overheard a girl yell in club: "If you want to fuck me up the ass that's fine, but I get to do it to you. Its your decision."

I agree with Elise Sutton that many men are changed after being penetrated anally. So, if this trend goes wide it is a major development in the world of sexuality.

Speaking of Elise Sutton, recently, she received a letter purportedly from a woman who teaches sexual education at an all girl school. The teacher surveyed her students within guidelines and found several surprising results. Following up, she found a large number of the women were virgins especially among her "advanced placement" students. Upon further questioning, it turned out they are telling the boys to get down on the muffin if they wanted some lovin'. And, the boys were complying.

If young women start demanding cunnilingus without giving their boyfriends any expectation of further sexual activity, then this is an amazing shift in sexual power. Also, it could be a milestone on the way to normalizing bisexuality and cuckolding among American women.

The Film Found in the Woods

Back in high school, we found boxes of movie film in a wooded park. We mentioned it later at lunch and I joked it might be a porno movie. Someone else thought it might be creatures from the deep.

After school, some of the boys that lived near by found and retrieved the film. As it worked out, the parents of one of the boys were gong to be away that Friday night.

Another said, "Great, my folks have a movie projector."

No, I didn't get an invite to the first F* Film Festival.

I waited in anticipation for Monday morning to find out what happened. Would the mysterious film be blank, ruined, a family picnic, an old horror classic, porno, JFK, or space aliens? It turned out to be porno. But, just not any porno.

I still don't know what was in the film, because the guys that watched it refused to talk about it. No bragging? No story telling? No one tells the secrets of Porn Club?

By the end of the school day, the rumor was several of the guys got sick watching it.

I asked around, "What could be so bad in this film?"

It sounded like the film contained boat load of bukakke images.

"What I heard was there was cum everywhere...I mean like all over her face", one friend of Porn Club reluctantly shared with your curly haired correspondent.

I still don't know the name of the film.

No word if Jackie or Donna ever found out about any of this...

Donna, did you ever find out one of your Baptist boys buried two Playboys in the park behind his yard, LOL?

How times change.

The Beatles Carnival of Light

McCartney said most of the Beatles' material has been released. He added the unfinished post-Beatle Lennon songs were too poor in audio quality to fix with the tools available before Harrison died or that Yoko would not agree to let them use them.
He said one Beatle cut remains unreleased and it is called Carnival of Light. It is similar to the electronic piece Revolution #9 that many think simulates an LSD trip.


Like #9, I suspect Carnival of Light features tape loops, backwards tapes, and tracks played on an early analog sampler called a Mellotron the use of which Paul pioneered. (This keyboard was famously used on the Elton John's song Daniel.)


McCartney said Harrison did not feel like the track merited release. But, I suspect for legal reasons the track will come out ten years after the Love album.

I once made a parody of Revolution #9. I suggest you try making something similar as I did learn a lot about editing, composition, textures, and audio manipulation.


In fact, I ended up manipulating myself.  One piece of mine used heavily edited versions of other's compositions. Much later, I realized this piece was about my desire to perform fellatio. Not only was fellatio rare then, but I thought I just liked girls!

Is the Septum Piercing for You?

A trend I noticed looking through European press materials and hair cut sites was the rise of the septum piercing. Traditionally, only male "bulls" got them, but things have changed.



One aspect leading to this change is the wider variety of types, materials, and colors that are available. One example is the ring with twin flying butterfly screw heads. No bull would wear anything so pretty. However, many are just wearing the piercing retainer which has its own look much like sensors projecting from your nose.  Plus, you can hide it at work!



I noticed some young and pretty butches are getting them to set themselves apart.



However, an increasing number of nubile submissives are getting. Yikes, often teamed with a shaved head look (virgin lesbian coming out look?) or some kind of radical bob or bowl hair cut combination.



I have to admit I never really considered a septum piercing though a club wanted me to get one years ago. However, I must say I'm thinking about it now.



I suggest you check out the photos of very pretty Scarlett Johanson on the web. Ms. Johanson has several other piercings as well.

Me and the darn Record Business

I'd like to think I was a pioneer in what is now called "do it yourself" recording. One thing I still regret is not having better microphones. Perhaps, some of the others should have chipped in for some.

Even so, I'm pretty sure a bootleg of our recordings, some from high school, were sent to a well known artist. Until about 1975, the "year it became the music business", this was not a bad strategy to get a shot at a deal if you didn't live in N.Y.C. or L.A., so the person probably meant well. However, as lawsuits piled up, the record companies became increasingly leery of unsolicited material. And, most tapes were thrown away unopened not getting "past the secretary's desk".

In addition, the artist in question was in the process of changing labels. So, I figure our tape got put in a box and sent to the new label and then ended up on a mix tape as "new things to try and listen to get ideas."

Tim, my self-appointed manager who never got me a job, called late one night and told me to drive to the local chain record store and head shop.

"I'll hold the store open until 11:30. You have to come down here and get his new record, (because) he sounds more like you than you do."

After I explained to Mom why I had to put my clothes back on and go buy a record "in the middle of the night", I went and got it. I sat there and listened in amazement. I was a good record. It was probably the best record the artist in question had put out in years. But, Tim was right about the tracks.

Over the years, my amazement would turn into frustration as I heard other artists, often on that label, that had similar songs to ours. A few would tell guitar magazines, "Yeah, we asked and listened to the famous mix tape." In all fairness, this tape was known to include world music and Latin rock as well.

(The other day in the grocery, I was forced to listen to a song of which I threw part of away, only to listen to the singer scat sing one of Tony's songs over mine on the "play out" (the part where a song fads out at the end). Oh, it was really too much and I was barely able to contain my anger while checking out.)

Later, Tim calls me up and says, "I have set up a meeting for you tomorrow with a guy from Electra."

The meeting was to be at the record store. Tim assured me this was not like the meeting with IRS Records where they just wanted me to call in requests for the Police and the Go-Gos like a McGuffey Lane groupie, I had dated a few times.

"Listen, I'm not going to sign you", the guy from Electra said.

"But, you've never listened to any of my music."

"I don't need to hear your music. You are nothing, but (a singer-songwriter from one state over) with a tie."

I guess he never thought of pitching me to the college crowd. As I recall, the artist in question was on RCA not Electra so I still don't understand why it was a problem.

Tim didn't make this meeting.

Later, he asked me to attend the first concert of a local group, because he wanted my "opinion, because he was thinking of managing them." That group turned out to be Guided By Voices, but I don't know if Tim ever managed Bob.

Tim later said, "(I heard you got a job), how am I going to represent you if you work there?"

My employer was not rated "politically correct" by show business.

"Where else would you want me to work? I have to work somewhere, (because) I've run out of money.

Tim and I discussed another local artist who had made the trip to L.A. The rumor was he was told he sounded too much like Bruce Springsteen. He opened a local record store which was bought out by a chain and then closed this summer.

Do coincidences happen in the writing of songs and guitar technique? Sure, I can think of several including me and two other artists. Let's face it, we all share many of the same influences, the same news cycle, and, often, the same society. But, as I get older and considering what I do for a living, my tolerance for coincidences has really dropped over the years.

I have a friend at work who played in several funk bands. His stories are more typical where the producer runs off with the songs of others.

At least none of my songs are used to sell cars and tires.

And, I never "lost" my name to a record label by signing the wrong paper.

Don't let these things happen to you!

One band that was unrelated to all this did mention me in their liner notes. Not necessary, but amusing.

On a humorous note, I got contacted by a guy over the Internet to say he wanted to be paid "for all the T-Shirts you guys had me make up."

I told him, "I didn't order those T-Shirts. I doubt you will get paid as that (northern California punk) band broke up. Oh, one more thing, if you DO see them again, tell them to quit using my name."

Another time, these guys got robbed while unloading their van. I heard about in Vintage Guitar magazine or something and sent them a phase pedal they used all the time, but I didn't. It turned out it was not the band I knew, but another band. There are like 15 bands in the U.S. and Canada that use that name! I told him it was OK to keep the pedal, but "you might want to think about using another name."